Water Fun

Last night the kids did some water painting on the driveway. They ended up just putting their heads in the water. Here are some cute pictures of the silliness that is our kids these days!

We played in the rain the other day. She is looking so grown up these days!

Look how cute she is. Has her sunglasses on her head just like her mommy!

Here are some short videos of the kids playing in the rain.

New Blog

Since I don't want to take away from our daily adventures with Glade and Addison, I created a new blog. Praise you in this storm is a song I have been listening too for the last week or so that really helps me stay focused on the fact that God is still here with us. Even in this storm. I hope to be able to express how I am feeling to help me heal from this great loss. Ultimately I want to look back and see just how much God is glorified through this. I know this was not His will, but it happened and we hope God will use this to His glory. The address is www.leah-praiseyouinthisstorm.blogspot.com

Just some cute pictures

Here are some pictures from the last few weeks that I think are adorable. Since I have fallen down on the job of putting pictures with my post...

One day last week we went and walked around Firewheel mall. The weather was really cool for July, so we jumped at the chance to be outside and not melt! We had to stop by the Toll House cookie store for a cookie. They both got a cookie on a stick.

Glade is in love with motorcycles. Everytime we see one while driving he says "Oh, bike!"

He loves to sit on Daddy's bike and go "vroom, vroom!" All while holding the treasured pink pillowcase!

They are just dying to actually go for a ride, but they have to wait a few more years!

Addison is very excited about her hot dog for dinner....

Where's your hotdog? "In there!" she says

Glade has really come to love hats. I found this in the dollar spot at Target. Here he is wearing his hat and banging on the pots. Unfortunately for the spoons, he bangs hard...they are both broken now!

Girl Time!

Two of my really good friends suggested we take some girl time this afternoon so that is exactly what we did! We met for pedicures and lunch. It was a such a good time to get together and talk and laugh (which is sometimes hard to do these days!) I got to enjoy the Hot Rock Pedicure for only the price of the Deluxe! If you are in the area and need a good place to get a great pedicure...Elegant Nail by BestBuy at Firewheel is the place to go! They even do zebra print. Just ask Kristina! We enjoyed our massage chairs and pedicures and came out with pretty toes. Then we went to Olive Garden for lunch. We found out you have to ask for the lunch menu and it's not that much different than the normal menu.
I am reminded daily just how much God cares for me. He has put great friends in my life to help me through the most difficult times. I am so thankful for friends and family. I can't imagine going through this alone. I pray that one day I will look back on this period of our lives and be able to see how much God has been with us. I know it will happen, because I can look back in other times of my life and see just how God made things happen. When I look back at all the years we prayed for children and all the times the answer was "not now". When we finally got the answer it was perfect. Perfect because everything worked out. Tim got a new job with GREAT insurance. We got some of the IVF procedure paid for. I got a job at a new school with a supportive team. Then we got pregnant with twins! While that wasn't a walk in the park, there were some scary times...being in the hospital for 11 weeks. God was there. I know He is here now, sometimes I just need Him to smack me and say "I'm here and it's okay!" I have had some really good days lately. I haven't cried...until writing this post...since Tuesday! I know it doesn't matter if I cry, it's just a small victory for me. I'm sure it will come and go, but I am celebrating the happiness that I feel right now. Enough of me rambling. I seem to have highjacked this post about girl time and really my blog about Glade and Addison, but this is our life right now. We have done some fun things to get out of the house, but I haven't taken pictures. I've been too busy chasing 2 two year olds. Who needs the gym?
Keep praying for us that we will listen for God's answers and wait on His timing.

Dr. Appt. today

We went to see our OB, Dr. T, today. He is the best doctor I have been too. He is patient and always willing to spend the time we need to answer any questions we might have. His heart was broken with ours when we learned our baby had died.
Anyway, I got a check up and everything is fine. I am healing nicely. He said the best way to fix this is to try again. FINALLY! Someone who understands what I am feeling...or someone who will tell me what I want to hear! He gave us the green light to begin the process of getting pregnant again. While I am excited to get started again and begin to move on, I still have fears. I know that those fears will hang around until I am holding perfectly healthy little baby in my arms. I have to find the strength to give my worries and fears over to God because these are things I cannot control.
Dr. T said that the pathology all came back with nothing we don't already know. Little Ethan had some severe abnormalities that would have been fatal if he had made it to full term. The genetic testing takes a while, so we don't have that back yet. We cannot use the genetic information to test the embryos we have left. So, if we do get pregnant again, we will have lots of sonograms and tests to make sure things are progressing normally. That is fine with me. The more times I can be reassured everything is fine the happier I will be.
I feel that today's answers were answers to our prayers. Although we still have lots to go through in the future, I KNOW that God is with us and He is watching over us and all that we do. We continue to pray that God will show us the paths we need to take.
Thanks again for all your thoughts and prayers. We appreciate all of them!

Struggling

Today I am struggling. It's been two weeks since we learned Ethan died. It seems like an eternity and yet, just yesterday. I am struggling because I guess I don't know how to grieve. Everyone...friends, family, medical professionals...is telling me to take time to grieve. What exactly does that mean? I should sit here and cry all the time? Believe me, I cry! A lot! It happens at times when I think I am doing okay. I cry just about every time someone tells me they are praying for me. Please don't feel bad if you come up and talk to me and I just bust out in tears. It's not you...it's my crazy emotions right now! But, what else do you do to grieve? I am going to be very honest...I don't want to sit and cry and be sad. Right now, I feel like getting a sledge hammer and beating the tar out of something. I am angry that I am being forced to deal with this situation. I am angry that the baby I longed for and prayed for will never get to be in my arms.
I know that Ethan is in heaven. I know he will be very well taken care of and will never have any troubles or trials of this world, but I still wish he was still growing inside of me. I know that God is there and I know He is helping me through this. I just want Him to show me what to do next. I want so badly with everything in me to go through the process again and get pregnant again. I know that it will not replace Ethan. I know that I will always hurt because of his death, but I desire so badly to start another cycle. If I had my way I would start today. I am struggling because I want to do what God is telling me to do. I don't know if the desires I feel are His will or just my desires. I am praying, many times a day for God to show me what we should do next, but I can't shake the urgent need in my heart to try again. The sooner the better. I need something to work for. I need something to look forward to.
Tomorrow I go to the dr. I am praying that he can give me medical reasons for this happening and that he can give some reassurance that this was just a tragic random event and the chances of it happening again are very low. He's said it before, as well as the Perinatologist and the embyologist. I guess I just need to hear it a lot of times to truly believe it.
The counselor I saw last week suggested I do something to get my feelings out, since I am having a hard time expressing how I feel. So you are the lucky ones who get to hear all about it. If you see me today, just know it has been a difficult afternoon. Glade and Addison fought going down for their nap. Addison took off her poopy diaper and played in it. On top of it all, I am struggling today. I appreciate your hugs and prayers and kind words. Please continue to pray that I will find some peace and comfort and that I will allow God to show me when the right time to try again is. Pray that I am open to hear what God is telling me even when the desires in my heart are so strong.

Blessings

Over the last two weeks I have tried to focus on God's blessings in my life. Some days I can find a lot of things to be thankful for, other days, it's really hard not to dwell on the loss of Ethan. Glade and Addison really do help me keep things in perspective. We are so lucky to have them in our lives. They bring us so much joy, especially when we are surrounded by sorrow and grief right now. God's blessings are abundant, I just have to focus on allowing God to help me see them and trust that He will continue to work in our lives.
Tim and I are so thankful for our church family who have offered up so many prayers and so much for love for our family. We have received cards, phone calls, and emails from so many people. Our class has provided us with many meals so we didn't have to worry about what to cook for dinner. I have been kept busy by friends and their offers to play or take the kids so I could get the house back in order. I can't imagine going through this alone and we are so thankful for the outpouring of love! At this point we don't need anything other than prayers. I go to the doctor on Thursday. I am praying that we can get some answers as to what happened to Ethan. We are also praying that God will answer our prayers for more children in the future. We are praying for God to show us what to do next and when to do it.

I have been searching for scriptures that can bring peace and comfort. I would love to hear what scriptures bring you comfort in times of trial. Leave a comment and share the verses that you hold dear. I am hoping to do something creative with a few of the ones that really touch my heart. I will keep you posted!

Now, on to what you have been waiting for...pictures!

Happy Fourth of July!

They found the headphones in the suburban!

Glade decided he needed more than one pair

This is what happens when the pink pillowcase takes a bath...it then goes in the dryer! You should have seen the tears!

Our first stay in a hotel!

Our first Movie night at home. We watched Ice Age 2. The kids were good for about 30 minutes and then they were on to other stuff. They loved the popcorn though!

Feeding the ducks. Glade insisted on wearing the hat!

He's such a cutie!

They loved feeding the ducks. I think the ducks got their fill that day. We used a whole loaf of bread!

Ethan Lane Schreiner ~July 9, 2009

This has been the hardest few days of my life. My heart hurts more than I thought it ever could. We checked into Labor and Delivery on Thursday July 9. We walked in the door and there was one of the elders from our church to pray with us before we began the most difficult day of our lives. We had another sonogram just to make sure the results from the day before were the same. They were. So, I got an IV, an epidural and the process began. My doctor and nurses were wonderful. It took all day and I was given lots of medications, some to sleep and some to help the process along. At around 7:40 our son entered this world. He was tiny, just about 8 ounces. The nurses let us hold his tiny body wrapped in a blanket. They pointed out his tiny feet and how cute they were. One nurse held my hand the whole time. Our doctor showed Tim some of his findings, that will be confirmed after all the testing comes back. Then he got to work on me. I lost a lot of blood! We were moved to a room around 11:30 that night. I was able to come home Friday afternoon. Physically I am weak, but feel fine. No pain, except for being sore after the epidural.
Last night Tim and I gave our little boy a name. Ethan Lane. There's not a meaning to it, just something we liked. We had already picked out a name if it was a girl. I thought the whole time it was girl. So much for a mother's instinct!
We are so thankful for the thoughts and prayers of everyone around us. Even from people we don't know. We know this road will be difficult. I know that I will have some good days and some bad days. I also know that with God all things are possible and He will give us peace and strength to face each new day and the challenges that it brings. Please continue to pray for our family as we try to resume our "normal" daily activities.

Sad news...

We went in for our sonogram today and found that our baby had no heart beat. I don't know what to think or to feel. We will know more in the next week or so. We go tomorrow to deliver the baby which will then be sent to pathology to further investigate the cause and genetics.
Please pray for our family.